God of the Hullahoops: Companionship of the Circle
by Silverflame180
Summary: A FOTR parody. (Come on, you know you wanna read it...I'll give you a Legolas cookie...)
1. So, it begins

_ a/n: And, as I promise, here is my FOTR parody (based on both the movie and the booke). I wrote this like a long time ago and finally decided to edit it and put it up. However, it is missing a scene or two later on. Depending on how many good reviews this gets I'll finish and put the rest up in time. And now, without further ado, I present:  
God of the Hulla-hoops: The Companionship of the Circle....._

  
  
  
  
  
In ancient times the Hula-hoops of Power were crafted by the elven-smiths, but Sauron, the Dark-Evil-Merciless-Just-Plain-Not-Nice-Lord, forged the One Way Cool And Awesome All Powerful Hula-hoop, filling it with his power and hatred for pink, fluffy bunnies and things that are pretty, so that he could rule the others. (and conveniently making this Hula-hoop travel size and calling it "The One Way Cool And Awesome All Powerful Circle") But, The One Way Cool and Awesome All-Powerful Circle was taken from him.

In some battle in some place these two guys whose names neither matter or are ever remembered overthrew Sauron and died heroically (and there was much rejoicing); and then this guy whose name just might matter just happened to be strolling by at that moment and noticed how shiny The One Way Cool And Awesome All Powerful Circle was. Isildur (the guy strolling through the battle field) decided that since Sauron was dead and all he wouldn't be needing the shiny circle anymore, so he helped himself to it.

Elrond tried to talk him into throwing The One Way Cool And Awesome All Powerful- Circle into the fire of Mount Doom because  
"Not only would this destroy the One Way Cool And Awesome All Powerful Circle and the dark power of Sauron, but the Circle would do this way spiffy melty thing and the lava would do this way cool bubbly thing."  
Isildur was persuaded by this to throw the One Way Cool And Awesome All- Powerful Hula-hoop into the fire ('cause, you gotta admit, that melty-bubbly thing would be pretty cool) So, Elrond led him to the Cracks of Doom and just as Isildur was about to throw The One Way Cool And Awesome Circle into the lava, he began to notice again how shiny. . . and . . . circular it was. So, he decided to be selfish and keep it for himself.  
Elrond: "Twit." 

Then one day Isildur and his men were on their way to a house-warming party and Isildur was still going on and on . . .and on. . . about how shiny and pretty and circular his Way Cool And Awesome All Powerful Circle was, and the other travelers began to grow tired of constant:  
"It's round and it's SHINY!! And look how the sun shines off of it and - Ooh, look, I can see my face in it!"

So, finally, they decided they could take no more. . . Snatching The Circle from Isildur they "accidentally" cast it into a conveniently located lake. "Steve!!!" Shrieked Isildur as he leapt into the lake. (Yes. . .He named it Steve. . .) Just as he hit the water, out of nowhere came an ambush of orcs that began shooting arrows at him until he stopped moving. Isildur's men all cheered. Not only were they rid of The One Way Cool and Awesome All Powerful Circle, but they were rid of Isildur! Yep, things were looking up for them.

There on the bottom of the River Anduin The One Way Cool and Awesome All Powerful Circle remained. Until one day this little freaky dude named Deagol found it while he was fishing.  
Deagol: "Ooooh"  
And then his best friend killed him and stole the shiny object away.  
Deagol: "That sucks major carpet."  
And, indeed, it did suck the most suckiest of carpet. . . For Deagol, that is. As for Smeagol. . .He took the shiny Circle (later discovering that when he stuck this shiny, travel size Way Cool And Awesome All Powerful Hula hoop on his finger, he turned CLEAR!!!! [ as in no one could see him] ) He later became known as "Gollum" because of a somewhat disturbing noise he made in his throat and he also became very unpopular due to the fact that he liked to turn clear and freak everyone out in his spare time. So, he was cast out of his home to aimlessly wonder about the land until he finally fled to a dark place under the Misty Mountains.

There he stayed with his One Way Cool And Awesome All Powerful Circle. Until, finally, even his Way Cool And Awesome All Powerful Circle grew tired of him and left him for a hobbit.  
Gollum: "That sucks linoleum, precioussss."  
And, indeed, it did.

Bilbo kept The One Way Cool And Awesome All Powerful Circle for 60 years.  
Gandalf and Gollum: "Stupid, selfish little. . .",  
His nosey wizard friend, Gandalf, knew that something just wasn't right about that Circle and he warned Bilbo over and over again to be careful with it, but Bilbo claimed to have developed short term memory loss and found himself promptly forgetting about these warnings.

  
_And there you have it... the first chapter. I know, this one might not be quite as funny as it could be, but the next ones get better, I promise. =) Now, if you'll be so kind and review my story I'll give you a Legolas cookie......plz?...._


	2. Meanwhile, back in Midget Town

Everyone all throughout the shire were talking about the party that Bilbo had been planning. Meanwhile, Bilbo was hiding out in his hobbit-hole until the party started, and there was a strange carriage with a scary old guy in a tall pointy hat in it riding towards Bag End. As it turns out the scary old guy was Gandalf and Bilbo and Frodo were both very pleased to see him. (They, however, were the only ones pleased to see him, but everyone excused the Bagginses for liking the scary guy because they all knew that those two had snapped long ago [That and the fact that Bilbo was very rich may have had something to do with it…] )br  
  
Bilbo: "Go figure."p  
  
That night at the party, Gandalf lit his possessed fireworks while all of the hobbits jumped about (or, as they call it, "danced" about). Several hours into the party, Bilbo stood up on a chair and called for everyone to "Shut up, because I'm about to say something important!" It took a few minutes, but he finally got everyone to quiet down and then he began his speech. The exact words of his speech, however, are not going to be in this story because it's long and boring and you don't really need to hear it. All you need to know is that he said something about him going away, insulted his guests, and then put on The One Way Cool And Awesome All Powerful Circle, disappeared, and skiddadled (while laughing evilly).br  
  
Bilbo: Yahahaha!br  
  
Thus freaking out his guests.p  
  
Once he was safe inside his hobbit-hole, he took The Circle off of his finger and became visible again.br  
  
"I suppose you think that was very clever," said Gandalf, the incredible disappearing-reappearing man -er. . . Wizard.br  
  
"As a matter of fact - " started Bilbo.br  
  
"You're leaving I take it?" Gandalf interrupted, not giving Bilbo a chance to finish because, frankly, he didn't really care what the hobbit was going to say.br  
  
Bilbo nodded.br  
  
"And You're leaving everything to Frodo?" added Gandalf.br  
  
"Yes," answered Bilbo, as he got out a bundle of things he had tied up in an old shirt (because, despite how rich he was, he couldn't afford a proper suitcase).br  
  
"Including The Circle? . . ."br  
  
"Well . . .except for that."br  
  
"I think you've had that Circle long enough"br  
  
Bilbo pulled The One Circle out of his pocket and stared at it. He muttered a few things under his breath, but the only thing Gandalf really caught was when he said "My precious!" like that of a possessed psychiatrist. This worried Gandalf a bit.br  
  
"Bilbo . . . leave the Circle to Frodo," Gandalf spoke a little more forcefully this time.br  
  
"No! It's mine! Sniff glue, lose!" yelled the scary little man.br  
  
Gandalf didn't quite understand everything that was just said to him, but he was pretty sure these were meant to be insults. Gandalf cast scary shadow puppets on the wall as he rose from his chair and spoke in his scariest of scariest voices (with an added bolt of lightning in the background for effect). This alarmed Bilbo and he quickly came to his senses.br  
  
"I - I mean, yes," said Bilbo. "The Circle must go to Frodo."br  
  
And with that he dropped The One Circle on the floor and ran like heck. Once he was a little ways down the path he began singing to himself a happy little tune that went something like this:p  
  
center  
  
". . .I want to be where yacks can run free;br  
  
Where the royal Mounties can arrest me!br  
  
p  
  
Let's go to Canada. Let's leave today!br  
  
Canada, oh, Canada, I sil vou plait.br  
  
p  
  
They've got trees, and mooses, and sled dogs,br  
  
Lots of lumber, and lumberjacks, and logs!br  
  
We all think it's kind of a drag.br  
  
That you have to go there to get milk in a bagbr  
  
They say "eh" instead of "what or "duh"br  
  
That's the mighty power of Canada . ."p  
  
/center  
  
As his joyous song echoed into the distance Gandalf walked over and looked down at The One Circle. He stooped to pick it up, but as soon as his fingers touched it, he saw a really freaky image and an eye of fire, and got this really funky sensation.br  
  
Fiery Eye: "Boogy…boogy…BOOGY!"br  
  
He then decided to leave the Circle there, and sat by the fireplace muttering that he was going to have nightmares for years to come.p  
  
Gandalf was still thinking about what had just happened, muttering to himself as he thought, when Frodo ran in. He immediately noticed The One Circle lying on the floor and picked it up. He then noticed Gandalf sitting by the fireplace muttering a bunch of random phrases such as "'My precious' . . . 'Sniff glue, lose'? . . . What's a lose? . . ."br  
  
Pushing aside all questions concerning the wizard's sanity, Frodo stepped closer.br  
  
"He's gone, isn't he?"br  
  
"No," Gandalf assured him; "he just isn't here."br  
  
"Oh . . ." Frodo somehow did not feel very reassured.br  
  
"He's left you Bag End," continued Gandalf; "and The Circle."br  
  
He then got up, got his hat, and went over to the door. br  
  
"Where are you going?" the hobbit inquired.br  
  
Gandalf turned to him. "I have to, uh. . .go. . . find out some things - Yes! Find out things. I'll be back in a few years."br  
  
"But, I don't understand."br  
  
"You're not paid to understand, just do as I say!" Gandalf shouted as he closed the door behind him leaving a very befuddled Frodo to mutter to himself how he was certain he would be needing therapy in the very near future.  
  
pbrbrbrbrbr  
  
So, what'd'ya think? Good? Bad? Let me know. (that would be by clicking that  
  
little purple button on the button left ;) ) Next chapter the really story  
  
begins.p 


	3. Shoes? What do shoes have to do with thi...

Several years past since that day. Until one evening, in the summer of the year of Frodo's fiftieth birthday, Frodo went into his hobbit hole after a long day of doing who knows what, when out of nowhere a hand grabbed him!   
*Scary music plays*  
Frodo spun around and saw a tall, scary man.  
"The creature of the black lagoon!" cried Frodo.  
"Is it secret? Is it safe?" said the figure.  
Frodo quickly realized that the creature was really Gandalf. . . He wasn't quite sure whether he should find this comforting or not. Frodo simply stared stupidly.  
"The Circle, stupid! The One Circle!" Gandalf lovingly reminded him.  
"Oh . . .right. . ." came Frodo, suddenly understanding.

He then went over to a chest and began pulling things out.  
"Book . . . sock puppet . . . hat . . . Hey, I've been looking for that!" Frodo spoke to himself as he pulled things out of the chest. Gandalf stood impatiently watching the hobbit. Then it happened. . . Frodo's eyes widened suddenly . . . He stopped and sat staring into the chest.  
"My rubber ducky!" Frodo exclaimed excitedly "How did you get in here? I've been looking all over for you!" He then noticed the slightly irritated wizard, still watching him.   
"Oh, uh . . . The Circle . . . right." said Frodo as he went back to digging through the chest. "Creepy old bat…" Frodo muttered to himself as he continued his search.   
"Here it is!" Frodo finally exclaimed, as he held up the envelope triumphantly.   
Gandalf promptly snatched the envelope from the hobbit and threw it into the fireplace.  
"Well, you could have just ask and I would have let you see it . . ." Frodo mumbled to himself.  
Gandalf then got the tongs and pulled The Circle from the fireplace. "Take it," said Gandalf turning to Frodo.  
Frodo simply stared.  
"It's quite cool," Gandalf assured him.  
"Then why won't *you* touch it?" Questioned Frodo.  
"Because I'm not paid to do that and, just in case I'm wrong, my insurance doesn't cover it," replied Gandalf.  
"Oh . . ." said Frodo, not feeling very reassured.  
"Take it," Gandalf insisted.  
Frodo reluctantly held out his hand and Gandalf dropped The Circle into his open palm.  
"Do you see anything?" asked Gandalf.  
"Yes."  
"What do you see?" he asked eagerly.  
"My face."  
Gandalf gave an exasperated sigh.  
"Do you see anything else?" he asked irritably.  
"No-Wait…There's some sort of markings," said Frodo as he observed the Circle, "Made In China" He read slowly.  
"No, no! Above that, idiot!" Gandalf corrected him impatiently.  
"Oh. . ." Frodo looked back at the Circle, "There's some other sort of markings. . . I can't read it."  
"It's in the language of Mordor," said Gandalf, waiting for his cue.  
"Oh . . . well, what does it say?" asked Frodo curiously.  
"I. . .don't . . . know. . ." replied the wizard. "But, if it's in the language of Mordor it can't be anything good." He quickly added, trying to make himself sound more intelligent. "You must destroy it! Throw it into the fires of Mount Doom!"   
"Oh . . . Um . . . K?" said Frodo.  
"Your name is no longer Baggins - it is Underhill. I'm going to leave again, and you are too. Only you're going to Bree. I will meet you there, then we will go to Rivendell," Gandalf explain.  
". . . K. . ." agreed a somewhat bewildered Frodo.  
"Sam will go with you," continued Gandalf, as he dragged Sam (who was conveniently just outside the window) into the room; "and so will Merry and Pippin."

And with that, Gandalf left. Frodo stood staring blankly at the door for a moment, and then the long awkward silence was broken by Sam.  
"He said we're going to Rivendell, Mr. Frodo!" exclaimed Sam.  
" . . .Yeah," said Frodo, still trying to figure out what the heck just happened.  
"We're going to see the elves!" said Sam excitedly.  
". . .Yeah."  
"Shouldn't we start packing, Mr. Frodo?"  
". . .Yeah." 

> And so they did. Then they left, and picked up Pippin and Merry (who conveniently ran them over as they were passing through a corn field) on their way. Seeing as Frodo was a bit preoccupied with walking along muttering to himself about how he was certain he would be needing therapy in the very near future, Sam quickly explained to the others why they were wandering half way across Middle-earth.  
"Frodo has an evil Circle that was made by Sauron who wants to take over the world and we have to destroy the Circle in the Cracks of Doom and there's a good chance that we'll die in the process!" Sam explained.  
"Dude," Merry profoundly stated.  
"Cool!" said Pippin stupidly.  
Suddenly Frodo ran towards them shouting in polish.  
"Nagh!" yelled Frodo. (which, roughly translated, mean "Run, run, the man-eating-dustbunnies-of-some-town-just-outside-of-Texas-that-would-be-just-inside-Texas-if-it-were-two-inches-to-the-left are coming!")  
The others stared at him blankly. Frodo quickly corrected himself.  
"Get off the road!" He shouted as he ran towards them.   
The others still had no clue what was going on, but they ran in the same direction as Frodo and hid under the roots of a tree. Just then a Ring Wraith rode up the path singing:

"Oh what a beautiful moorrrniiiing!  
Oh what a beautiful dayy!  
I've got a beautiful feeeellliiing!  
Everything's going my way! . . ."  


"Hey, he's not bad," whispered Pippin.  
"Sshh!" from Frodo.  
The Ring Wraith stopped singing and began sniffing the air.  
"What is he doing?" whispered Pippin.  
"I think he's smelling us," Merry replied.  
"Sick!"  
"Sshh!" repeated Frodo.

The hobbits were silent. The Ring Wraith jumped from his horse and began crawling towards their hiding place. Suddenly, Merry got this way brilliant idea -   
"Fetch boy!" He called to the Ring Wraith as he threw a bag of mushrooms as far as his arms could toss them.  
The Ring Wraith ran merrily after the mushrooms. Seeing he was occupied for the moment, the hobbits took this chance too run as fast as their midget legs could carry them. The Ring Wraith quickly noticed them and jumped back on his horse and rode after them. But, this is only the first half hour of the movie! They can't kill the hobbits yet! So, the three-and-a-half-foot-hobbits outran the evil-fast-riding-Ring-Wraith-on-horseback and escaped on a conveniently located boat. 

  
_ a/n: And there it is. (You'll notice most of the a/n's will be at the bottom cuz I hate it when you have this 30 page note to read before you get on with the story.....Yeah, that was kinda random, huh?...) Review, review!_

  



	4. Capos, paperclips, and other clippy thin...

piA/n: Ok, chapter 4 is up. I didn't have as much time to edit it, but it'll still be good, I promise.   
  
Oh yeah, and thank you to my one random reviewer! I love you, man (or woman) Have a cookie!  
  
Ok, on the next chapter....../ibrpbrbrbrbrbrbr  
  
The four hobbits then went to Bree. They also met an elf and some guy named Tom Bombadil, but they don't matter because they're not in the movie. So, back to the movie. . . br  
  
The four hobbits arrived at the gate of Bree. They knocked on the door-gate-thing and a scary guy poked his head out of a way-oversized-peephole.br  
  
"The wizard's not here-I mean, who's there?" said the scary guard guy.br  
  
He then looked down.br  
  
"Midgets," observed the guard guy.br  
  
"Um . . . actually, we're hobbits," Frodo corrected him.br  
  
"Oh. . . Well, same difference," mumbled the guard. He then turn back to the four mid- ahem, hobbits, that is. "What business do four midgets-"br  
  
"-Hobbits."br  
  
"Whatever-have in Bree?"br  
  
"Yeah, like we're telling you," said Frodo defensively.br  
  
"Works for me," shrugged the guard as he opened the door-gate-thing.br  
  
The hobbits went inside and headed for The Prancing Pony (where Gandalf was isupposed/i to meet them). And they were so distracted with not getting run over by a quickly passing carriage that they didn't notice a dark figure climb over the gate (somehow unnoticed by the guard) (dun, dun, dun)  
  
When they reached The Prancing Pony, they went inside and found the Inn keeper dude (aka Mr. Butterbur). Frodo stepped forward.br  
  
"I am Mr.-" He paused and pulled a crumpled up piece of paper from his pocketbr  
  
br"Underhill," he continued, after glancing at the paper. "We're friends of Gandalf's. We need a room."  
  
br"We're awfully crowded tonight," said Mr. Butterbur. "But, I think there might still be a midget-sized room left."  
  
brFrodo restrained himself from commenting.  
  
brMr. Butterbur then yelled for Bob (an Inn-keeper-helper-hobbit . . . guy). And Bob led the four hobbits to their room. There they left their bags and then went to mingle with the scary Bree folk. (All, that is, except for Merry, who decided to aimlessly wonder around the town.)  
  
p  
  
"Mr. Frodo," said Sam.  
  
brFrodo turned to him.  
  
br"That scary guy over there has been staring at you ever since we walked in here."  
  
brFrodo looked around.  
  
br"Which scary guy?" he questioned, as he looked around and noticed that there were a lot of scary guys in there.  
  
br"The one over there in the corner," replied Sam.  
  
brFrodo looked over and saw that there was, indeed, a scary guy over in the corner that was staring at him.  
  
br"Well, what'd'ya know . . ." Frodo mused, apparently not very alarmed by this. "That's very observant of you, Sam."  
  
brJust then Mr. Butterbur walked by, and Frodo decided he would ask him about the scary man in the corner, since it did seem the guy was stalking him and all.  
  
br"Who's that scary guy in the corner?" Frodo asked as Mr. Butterbur was passing by.  
  
br"Oh, him?" said the Innkeeper, looking over to the scary man. "I don't really know . . . some strange guy that comes in here every once in a while . . . Looks like a 'Strider' to me."  
  
brMr. Butterbur then left and continued moving busily about. The scary man (aka Strider) then motioned for Frodo to come sit with him. He seemed to either have guessed what Frodo had asked Mr. Butterbur, or had really good hearing.  
  
br"Be careful, Master," Sam warned. "You never know about folk like that. . . One minute they look like almost-normal-people, and then the next - giant, three headed aliens that shoot slime out of their ears."  
  
br.Frodo didn't quite understand what Sam was talking about, but he nodded and kept this in mind as he went over to the scary man.  
  
br"I am called Strider." Said the scary man. "I am very pleased to meet you Master . . iUnderhill/i. And by the way. . . tell you friend to stop being an idiot."  
  
pFrodo looked over in the direction which the scary- uh, Strider was looking and saw Pippin, who was telling horror stories. And, of course, who better to tell horror stories about than the Baggins'? Just as Pippin was about to point Frodo out and blow his cover, Frodo jumped up on the table, thinking quickly, and shouted out:  
  
"Who wants to see a magic trick?"  
  
brEveryone's attention was now directed towards Frodo.  
  
br"Behold," continued Frodo. "The incredible evaporating hobbit!" He then put on The One Circle, crawled under the table, and took The Circle off.  
  
br"That was not cool!" said Strider, sensing Frodo under the table with his Super Ranger powers. "Zero coolness!!" he continued.  
  
br"Yeah, yeah," muttered Frodo.  
  
br"I want to talk with you later tonight . . . Mr. Baggins," said Strider.  
  
br"Yeah, sure," agreed Frodo, willing to try anything to make the guy stop staring at him like that.  
  
pThe one problem with Frodo's clever little plan just then was this: Frodo's, um . . . "evaporating" freaked everyone out just a bit, and they promptly began leaving. Pretty soon there was no one left but for the three hobbits, Mr. Butterbur, and Strider.  
  
pFrodo crawled out from underneath the table.  
  
br"Don't do that anymore." said Mr. Butterbur, eyeing the hobbit suspiciously. "It freaks out the customers."  
  
br"Sorry. . ." Apologized Frodo.  
  
pbrbrbr 


	5. One Hundred and One Uses for Foil Gum Wr...

_a/n: Wow, this actually got four whole reveiws. I feel so loved. Hehe, ok... Sorry this one took a little while to get up. It needed a little editing (and I didn't really get to finish editing either so hopefully everything flows okay, and if it doesn't... Hey! It's a parody!) Now, on with the story!_

  
Frodo, Sam, and Pippin went back to the parlor (Little did they know, Strider was following them) They went inside and shut the door behind them (still not noticing Strider) Strider helped himself to a rocking chair. While the three hobbits began settling in and talking to one another, he began rocking in the rocking chair. Then becoming extremely amused with the chair, Strider forgot all about the hobbits. He then began rocking vigorously in the chair and laughing with glee. The hobbits all stopped what they were doing and began staring at this rather disturbing display, not quite knowing what to think.   
Strider suddenly realized they were all staring at him and he stopped rocking and cleared his throat, going back to his rough-tough-fearless-warrior look. 

"Who are you?" Pippin asked the scary stalker man.   
"Who am I? Who am I?!" said the scary man, towering over the hobbits as he stood to his full height. The hobbits took a step back, but Strider turned suddenly and strided (Haha! Get it?… Strider strided? Haha!… Yeah, anyway…) quickly toward the door. After opening it, looking around suspiciously, and quickly shutting it again he turned back to the now frightened and befuddled hobbits. He looked as though he was going to speak if he could only remember why it was that he was going to speak.   
There was a long awkward silence before Frodo finally stepped forward to speak to the scary man.   
"Don't make any sudden moves, Mr. Frodo," whispered Sam.   
"Alright Mr.- er… whatever your name is," began Frodo; "who, exactly, are you? How do you know who we are? And for the sake of everything sane, why are you stalking me?"   
"Well, as for who I am that depends on who you are because I have many names," began Strider, as if he felt this was a question well worth answering in full (at the expense of the poor soul who dared to ask). "My real name is technically Aragorn, or if you live in Gonder it will soon be _king_ Aragorn, hehe. But then if you're in Rivendel I'm known as the Dunadain or also there are still some who call me Isildur's Heir. However, one of my less commonly known names is-"   
"Why don't we just call you Strider?" Frodo interrupted.   
"Oh, but that's not even half of my list," continued Strider.   
"I'm sure you can tell us all about your names later," said Frodo quickly. "But first why don't you answer my other questions?"   
"Oh, right," Strider remembered. "Well, how do I know who you are? . . . That's simple . . . I know everything. I'm a friend of Gandalf's and I'm supposed to lead you to Rivendel because that's where Gandalf is hiding out and claiming that he's 'seeking council'. There, Agent -er, I mean . . . Master Elrond will be able to help you figure out what to do with The One Way Cool And Awesome All Powerful Circle."   
The three hobbits looked at each other.   
"Dude, that's deep," Pippin stated intelligently. 

Just then the door opened and in stepped Merry.   
"Halt! Who goes there!" shouted Strider, as he jumped up from his chair. "State your name, street address, phone number, zip code, and date of birth. Are you on our side or Sauron's side? You're a spy, aren't you?" he pressed. Merry simply stared at him with a blank-unimpressed look. He then turned to Frodo.   
"Do we know him?" he said pointing to Strider.   
"This is Strider," replied Frodo. "It's Ok, Strider, he's with us," he said, turning to Strider, who still had his sword drawn and was eyeing Merry suspiciously.   
"Oh . . ." said Strider, putting away his sword. "Sorry . . . I have to be extra careful. There are strange folk about, here in Bree," he said, running over to the door, opening it, looking around suspiciously, and then closing it again.   
"You don't say. . ." said Merry, eyeing the strange man.   
"Oh! Speaking of strange folk. . ." said Merry, remembering, "just thought you might like to know that the Dark Riders are here in Bree."   
"What?!" said Strider and Frodo together.   
"Yep," continued Merry. "Tried to kill me, they did. Not very cheery folk, if you ask me. Personally, I think that these Black Riders are the end result of watching too much Barney. I knew there was something queer about that dinosaur the moment I first saw him skipping around singing that annoying song. And, in fact, I think that -"   
"How far are they from here?" interrupted Strider.   
"And how did they find us here?" said Frodo (seeing as this was the only advice Frodo usually seemed to offer in moments such as these).   
"How did you escape them?" "They tried to kill you? . . . cool!" said Sam and Pippin together.   
"One question at a time!" said Merry.   
"How far are they from here?" Strider repeated.   
"Well, I followed them up to that strange 'Bill' guys house" began Merry, "and I think it was about then that they tried to kill me . . . I don't really remember though . . . well, anyways . . . then this guy who said that his name was Bob and he worked for Mr. Butterbur showed up and the next thing I remember we were running from the Black Riders. And I can't be sure. . . but I'm pretty positive that they know we're here now."   
Panic rose in the other fours' eyes.   
"So, anyways . . ." Merry added casually, "how was everyone else's evening?"   
"Do not go to your beds tonight," said Strider, ignoring Merry's last question. "We will sleep in here."   
"We?" interrupted Sam.   
"Yes, we," said Strider. "It's all part of my way ingenius plan." He then proceeded telling of his 'way ingenius plan'.   
"Probably just going to wait 'till we're all asleep, then he'll pull out his laser beam and fry our brains then take the circle for himself," Sam mumbled under his breath.   
". . . What's a laser beam?" asked Pippin, who had caught most of Sam's mumbling.   
Sam thought about this a moment, then shrugged.   
"Right now we should board up the doors" Strider continued. "There's no time to board up the windows now, so we'll just shut them really, really tight . . . yeah, that should keep the Ring Wraiths out."   
So, everyone proceeded to board up the doors and shut the windows really, really tight. Then they cleverly put pillows in their beds to make it look like they were in them. Then they all went back to the parlor and the four hobbits laid on the floor, in front of the fire place and went to sleep, while Strider sat in his rocking chair, occasionally opening the door and glancing around suspiciously. 

The next morning, when the four hobbits woke up they all went to their room to see if the Black Riders had come in the middle of the night. When they reached their room, they found all of the beds lying on theirs sides with mattress, pillows, and blankets all ripped to shreds, and feathers everywhere.   
"You know" said Sam "I'm really starting to dislike them Black Riders."   
Pippin nodded in agreement.   
"I think that maybe we should leave now," stated Frodo as he stared at the pulverized beds.   
"No argument there," from Merry.   
And with that they all packed and left (on time [yes . . . on time]) 

  
_ a/n: Legolas cookies for everyone! Now click that little purple button. ( Come on, you know you wanna ;-) ) _

  



End file.
